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I wish I had said that

Are you the type that feels tongue-tied at those water cooler chin-wags?

Are you terrified when you have to top up that TPS report with some words of wisdom?

The Last Link has hand-gathered an approved list of quips and quotes may just be your salvation. After all, words are a terrible thing to waste.

Be sure to check back around the first of each month for loads of new entries.

And don't be surprised when you drop one of these pearls of wisdom into the mix to hear people behind your back say, "I wish I had said that" » full details »

When you can't have it all ... HAVIDOL®

Do you feel contented ... but have that nagging fear that you're missing something?

Well, you might be suffering from Dysphoric Social Attention Consumption Deficit Anxiety Disorder – the #1 cause of concern in contemporary life.

HAVIDOL®

HAVIDOL® is the only known medication available for this newly recognised disorder.

Hundreds and thousands may be suffering and not even know it.

See if you recognise these symptoms as described by an actual sufferer:

"Everyone should be able to live life to its fullest. I used to believe I did. I felt confident in myself, and my relationships. I exercised regularly. I slept quietly through every night, and awoke each morning feeling refreshed and ready to start a new day. I now know I had a treatable disorder..."

HAVIDOL® offers the opportunity to live life to its fullest. You may experience a desire to do things you didn't even know you enjoyed. In other words, it helps the user excel at achieving things they may have been unaware they were missing.

HAVIDOL® does not increase antisocial behavior in the patient. However, it may decrease the patient's sense of moral responsibility or social conscience.

HAVIDOL® stimulates your appetite, while allowing you to indulge your tastes without concern for weight gain.

Additionally, there is no need to cease drinking alcohol.

So why wait to see what you've been missing? Visit the folks at Future PHARMS Inc. and tell them necessity sent you [permanent link]

Germs or no germs?

Unless you've been living in a van down by the river, you no doubt have heard that Howie Mandel is the hottest TV personality since Canadian-born game-show hosts for $200: who is Alex Trebek?

Howie's seemingly-overnight success has left a lot of folks puzzled about his past – and what's the deal with him not shaking anybody's hands?

Few recall Howie's days as a successful carpet store chain owner in his native Toronto. Some might remember his beginnings as a stand-up comic after arriving in L.A. in 1979.

After releasing his comedy recording Fits Like A Glove in 1986, he landed a six-year stint as Dr. Wayne Fiscus on TV's St. Elsewhere. He also oversaw (as creator, producer and vocal talent) Bobby's World during its eight-year run. On the big screen, he was the voice of Gizmo in Gremlins.

Howie's career had pancaked at the beginning of the current millennium when he took the spokesman role in a series of commercials for the nearly 200-restaurant Canadian Boston Pizza chain that had its beginnings on Edmonton, Alberta's 118th Avenue in 1964.

Howie could be seen plunking himself down beside bewildered restaurant patrons claiming "At Boston Pizza we're just friends" as he droolingly-eyed the fresh extra-large-with-anchovies on their tables.

In 2005, Howie took his wife's advice and bet his future on a slice of NBC's successful Dutch-based risk-aversion show Deal or No Deal.

Which brings the story around to Howie's own aversion: germs.

Seems Howie suffers from mysophobia, described as a pathological fear of germs. The condition is usually marked by obssessive-compulsive handwashing.

And the wearing of latex gloves. In Howie's case, that included his head (as can be witnessed by the now-prophetic album cover).

He remedied his fear of foul and infested follicles by shaving himself bald. But what a guy like Howie really needs is a personal cleaning service.

nogerms

Also based in Edmonton, the nogerms folks warn that the average desk surface has over 400 times more germs than a toilet seat.

And if that isn't enough to make you stand up, look behind and take notice, the average telephone has over 25,127 germs per square inch – enough to make you want to chance a call to nogerms for an immediate free consultation.

But if letting other people clean your personal stuff gives you the willies, gather up your willpower and head on over to the folks at How to Clean Anything.com

How to Clean Anything.com

There you'll find more than 1300 free tips on how to clean anything and everything from reptiles and fish to transmission fluid spills and tear-stained satin pillows.

You'll soon sleep easy knowing the bedbugs won't bite.

But if they do, the people at How to Clean Anything.com will help you to prepare your own in-home Grime Stoppers program [permanent link]

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The times they are a changing

Way back in 1947, the Board of Directors of the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists at the University of Chicago wanted to indicate how close the human race was to annihilating itself via a symbol on the cover of its publication.

The Board chose a clockface – the L.E.D. countdown clock had not yet been invented – showing 'minutes to midnight' where midnight represents world destruction by nuclear war.

Artist Martyl Langsdorf came up with the clock idea and she reportedly placed the minute hand at seven minutes to midnight purely for design reasons.

The idea of moving the minute hand came two years later and every couple of years since the Board has moved it backwards or forwards reflecting on how likely someone was going to start The Big One.

The clockface is worked in to the cover design of its magazine each issue.

On January 17th, 2007 the Board announced it moved the clock two minutes forward to 11:55 p.m.

The Board said fears over "a second nuclear age" prompted largely by standoffs with Iran and North Korea and urgent warnings of climate change played a role in their placement of the hand.

"The dangers posed by climate change are nearly as dire as those posed by nuclear weapons," said Kennette Benedict, director of the Bulletin.

Stephen Hawking, the renowned cosmologist and mathematician, said that global warming has eclipsed other threats to the planet, such as terrorism.

"Terror only kills hundreds or thousands of people," Hawking said. "Global warming could kill millions. We should have a war on global warming rather than the war on terror."

The clock last moved – to seven minutes to midnight from nine – in February 2002 in response to the 9/11 terrorist attacks, the anthrax scare in the United States, nuclear proliferation issues and a U.S. foreign policy favouring unilateral action over international diplomacy.

It seems all those issues had one thing in common.

While the Board is citing today's times as the "most perilous period since Hiroshima and Nagasaki," here at the Last Link we can't but feel all this was an over-reaction to new standards set for the implementation of Daylight Savings Time.

In the spring of 2007 clocks were changed in North America on the second Sunday in March – three weeks earlier than in the previous forty years.

Trouble is, not everybody in the world was in synch when the morning rooster came crowing in spring 2007, and perhaps those wacky atomic scientists felt the resulting sixty minutes of mass confusion would have provided opportunity for ne'er-do-wells to take advantage of sleepy-headed defence folk the world over.

Yes, moving the Doomsday clock was a wake up call, and an early reminder to re-set clocks and upgrade operating systems pronto.

And hopefully it was a strong enough message to Washington to wake up and smell the coffee, where the flavour of what's been brewing has been one of discontent [permanent link]

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I wish I had said that

When you can't have it all ... HAVIDOL®

Germs or no germs?

Like what you see here?

The times they are a changing